Funny Malaysian Quotes, Quips And Wisecracks That Will Crack You Up

Here is a selection of funny Malaysian quotes, quips and wisecracks from Malaysian politicians and personalities. You will find some of these humorous quotes sardonic, silly , dirty and half-witted.

Anyway, I’ll be gathering more Malaysian funny quotes to prove what Abraham Lincoln’s quote is true. “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”

Let’s go through some of these funny Malaysian quotes which tells us that some of them are actually fools.

funny malaysian quotes by Malaysian politicians and personalities

“Maybe my outburst will shake him (Tan Sri Dr Koh Tsu Koon) up but I don’t think so.” – Tun Dr Lim Keng Yaik

“There are people who want to burn a beautiful house because they like to see things destroyed and gets a kick out of it. So, my request is we have ensure nobody sets fire to our ‘beautiful house’ (MIC). – Datuk Seri S. Samy Vellu

“When the husband has the urge and she’s cooking, she’ll say, ‘Please hold on, I’m cooking. From a Muslim perspective, the wife has to drop all of this. She must give priority to her husband’s needs.” – Datuk Ibrahim Ali

“When they (the Malays) were poor they were in a dilemma. When they are rich, there is a bigger dilemma,” – Dr Mahathir

“The Malay mind has been “bonsified” (shrunk and distorted, like a bonsai plant) by Umno’s political agenda in order to perpetuate the culture of fear against non-Malays.” – Hishamuddin Rais

“We cannot test on human beings. God created monkeys, and some have to be tested.” – Mohamad Ali Rustam

“Where is the leak? She (Fong Po Kuan) leaks every month, too.” – Datuk Bung Mokhtar Radin

“Twitter and Facebook are tools of the West that can erode Malaysian culture.” – Datuk Seri Rais Yatim

“If Umno could defeat the British in securing independence for the country, winning back Selangor was not too big a task for Selangor Umno.” – Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak

“International research has found that the longest a sperm can last is 72 hours, but Anwar’s can last 96 hours because I am Superman” – Anwar Ibrahim

“Under the BN leadership, we are doing much better than Burma …” – Donald Lim Siang Chai

“Malaysians always and only think about money. So they try to read into everything you say or do as being about money.” – Raja Petra Kamarudin

“DAP main PAS dari kanan, PAS main DAP dari kiri, PKR main dua-dua dari belakang!” – Khairy Jamaluddin

“If PKR dares to amend the constitution and cancel Malay privileges, I will be the first to raise my hands to vote for PK,” – Datuk Seri Dr Chua Soi Lek

If they (men) see RM1,000 in the bank account, they will be thinking of buying cigarettes, alcohol and 4-D before going home.” – Datuk Dr Ng Yen Yen

“The Americans say they fed Osama Bin Laden to the fish. Anwar Ibrahim has got ants in his pants. Both are history. So the PAS needs new material for their stand up comedy.” – Syed Akbar Ali

“Baby dumping is rampant especially during the months of July to September – the months are dubbed the ‘baby dumping season’” – Nasrudin Hassan

“All Malaysians, whether in rural or urban areas, regardless of race know the Malay proverb! “as stupid as a cow” well.” – Datuk Seri Dr Mohd Khir Toyo

“Female Muslim employees in business premises in the Kota Baharu Municipal Council (MPKB) area are forbidden to wear lipstick and high heel shoes to work.” – (Directive is contained in a MPKB circular)

“I don’t know how you can learn English without knowing grammar,” – Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin

By the way, this Education Minister was surprised to learn that English is not a “must pass” subject for SPM and wants public feedback on the matter. And it was a revelation to him as he had always thought that it was a prerequisite since students had to learn English in school. He was also shocked to learn that national schools no longer taught English grammar!

This is ONE surprising MALAY-sian! (Remember “I’m a Malay first”?)